Thursday, June 16, 2011

It's my vagina and I'll text it if I want to

This is not a post about Wiener. Or wieners. Or, specifically, Wiener's wiener. This is not a post about that. I think we've all heard enough about that for one lifetime. You're welcome.

No, instead this is a post about my vagina. (Again: you're welcome.) My vagina and texts, which makes it kind of like Wiener's wiener and tweets. But not. Less, wiener-y for one thing. More vagina-y.

Really, this is a post about how many times I can say "wiener" and "vagina" in three paragraphs. Which, apparently, is quite a lot. Wiener.


There's been a lot of Internet chatter lately about sexting, prompted, in large part, by that whole Wiener's wiener thing that we're definitely NOT talking about. (Not sure why it moved so quickly into a conversation about sexting, since Wiener tweeted his junk, but I suspect it's because no one's figured out a clever way to combine the word "sex" with "tweet" yet.) Aside from the prolific conversation around Wiener specifically—which we're still not talking about—a number of general questions regarding sexting have been raised repeatedly, including this one: "What kind of person does that anyway?"

It's this question, often asked with clear distaste, that I'd like to address. Because I have an answer for that. Two answers, actually. The first: a lot of people. The second: me.

ME. I have sexted. Plenty. I have engaged in everything from slightly flirtatious to overtly sexual conversations via text. I have even, sent pictures of my junk via text. A 2-year, long distance relationship will do that to a person. And I also have this to say:

What of it?

If I want to entice my man to skip out of work a little early with a bit of suggestive conversation, what of it? If I'm feeling a bit more urgent and simply let him know that I could use a good fuck, what of it? If I decide he deserves a nipple shot from time to time, what of it? Maybe he might like to see more. Maybe it's a good old fashioned crotch shot he's after. What of it? Does it make me a whore if I comply? Am I some sort of kinky sexual deviant? Pffft.

You heard me. Pffft! It's my vagina, and I'll text it if I want to.

(Also, "kinky" is funny. It sounds like some old-timey word my mom would use to describe having sex with the lights on.)

But there are dangers in sexting, you say. And of course, you're right. For one thing, The Man's name used to be right below my former (very, very Christian) boss's name in my phonebook. One slight slip of the thumb could've easily resulted in a rather uncomfortable work environment, a thought which honestly just makes me laugh. (Now his name is safely swaddled between the names of two of my lovely lady friends. So be prepared, Jacque and Kellie.) And I know we're dealing with cyberspace here, where nothing ever really goes away. Those texts could fall into the wrong hands, it's true. I know this and—as someone who has experienced the embarrassment of nudie pics being seen by someone(s) other than the intended recipient (this back in the old fashioned days of Polaroid pictures)—I know how not awesome that it. I also know I'm capable of getting over it.

So now you know what kind of person does that. The me kind. What of it?


T said...

Amen sista. Me too. LDR's will do that to ya!

This post is awesomesauce.

Nicki said...

Guilty as charged. Of course...then he lost his phone...twice. And once we never found it but know someone did...who is probably really enjoy the boob pic with the caption 'wish you were here.' And the last time, we got the phone back and found it open to our album. Our VERY PRIVATE ALBUM. The leave nothing to the imagination album.


We'll never learn. And I really don't care.

PS. Excellent repeated use of wiener and vagina.

PPS. Feel free to email if you ever want to compare notes on freelancing and share ideas.

Momma Sunshine said...

There's been plenty of sexting happening from Camp Sunshine, too. Big deal. I think there's a whole lot of other people out there doing it, too.

Martini Mom said...

Thanks, ladies - I knew I wasn't the only one!

Nicki: Thanks for the invite to compare notes and ideas on freelancing. I will most definitely take you up on that!

kenzi said...

Haha!! I love, love, LOVE this post. I see nothing wrong with sexting your significant other. Especially if you don't see each other often. I would almost consider it healthy. Yes, yes I agree you need to practice "safe sexting" make sure its going to a trustworthy recipient, the CORRECT recipient, etc. I sext my boyfriend and I like it! Now that its in the media everyone acts like its such a terrible thing. Well those people are prudes and probably could use a good sext or two to unwind!

Now, the problem with sexting is when you're not supposed to. Sexting is cheating. Or the testosterone raging teenage boys who ask every girl for a picture.. and the gullible girls that send them and then cry because their ta-ta's have been broadcasted to the entire student body.

Gotta love that technology, eh?


Anonymous said...

Ladies,,, where are your numbers??? Lol :)

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