Monday, March 22, 2010

10 things I don't know about me

Once upon a time, long, long ago, Big Little Wolf at Big Little Wolf's Daily Plate of Crazy bestowed upon me the Sugar Doll Award. The award is given to those "terrific writers who connect, contribute, entertain, enlighten, and otherwise make our day." Nifty! But with great honor comes great responsibility, and the responsibility of coming up with ten things you don't know about me (a requirement of the award) was almost too much. But I did it. (Almost. I came up with nine.)

Not too long ago, I shared 10 honest things. And sometime before that, I shared a number of random things. And let's not forget all of the many rambling posts I've written over the years. At this point, I have a hard time coming up with anything that you might not already know about me. So I took a slightly different approach.

I present to you 10 things (minus 1) that even I don't know about me.

1. What I want to be when I grow up.
Before I grew up, I knew exactly what I wanted to be: a fireman, because I loved their hats. But then I met a fireman who was kind enough to let me wear his. It was heavy and uncomfortable and had the same warm, synthetic mushroom smell as my dad's polyester softball uniform. I was not impressed, and that dream was over.

Everything I considered after that fell into one of two categories: art (singer, actress, dancer, painter) or helping people (teacher, psychologist, social worker, philanthropist). By high school, I'd narrowed the field to dancer. In college, while studying dance, I narrowed it further to dance teacher, teaching autistic and developmentally disabled children. Dance therapy, if you will. It was a lofty goal, and I achieved nothing of the sort. Instead, I fell softly and successfully into the corporate world, where I was happy for many years before it started to suck the life out of me.

But now that it sucks with the same vigor as those silly teenage vampires you women won't shut up about, I have no idea what I want to do in its stead. One thing is certain: whatever it is, it will involve art and/or helping people. That, at least, hasn't changed.

2. How I feel about being a stay-at-home mom.
When The Kid was born, I was in the middle of establishing my career. I had no interest whatsoever in being a SAHM. I had 2 1/2 months of maternity leave, and was practically begging to go back to work at the end of it. I was bored out of my mind and desperate for adult interaction. I certainly didn't judge other moms who chose to stay home, but that was not the life for me.

But this time...

Maybe it's that I'm burnt out. Maybe it's that I really need a break from unsatisfying corporate work. Maybe it's nine years later and I've simply changed my mind. Whatever it is, staying home is almost appealing to me this time around. Not financially possible, but appealing nonetheless. Still, I think I'd tire of it quickly. Those little baby buggers are exhausting, and terrible conversationalists.

3. What I want for dinner.
I never know what I want for dinner. Never. So save us all a lot of trouble, and just decide for me.

4. My favorite anything.
Maybe this is related to the dinner thing, but I can't tell you my favorite anything. Not my favorite author, band, color, designer, anything. If you let me qualify it ("my favorite ____ right now, at this exact moment is..."), I might be able to answer. But throw a "best 5 bands of all time" type question at me and watch my gears screech to a halt. I can't do it. I can't commit to an answer of that magnitude. What if I change my mind?! What if I wake up tomorrow and remember a band that should've made the list?! IMAGINE THE HORROR! I can't do it. Way too much pressure.

5. How to relax
You might have been able to predict this one based on #4. I have a terrible time relaxing. I know the things that help me chill out: a book, a yoga class, a dance class, to name a few. But I don't know how to get myself to do those things when there is so much other stuff that needs to be done.

6. What I'm so afraid of
Actually, that's a lie. I know what I'm afraid of: failure. Public failure. I'm not afraid of fucking up in the privacy of my own home. But I'm certain that if I fail out where people can see me, I'll be forever mocked behind my back. What I don't know is why I'm so freaking paranoid about it.

7. What I'm capable of
I've accomplished things I thought were impossibilities. I've committed some shameful acts that are miles out of character for me. Turns out, I'm capable of some very good and some very bad things. I try to remember that the same potential exists in everyone, and no one's character should be judged based on a single act.

8. Whether I'm hoping for a boy or a girl
I have a boy, so a girl might be nice. On the other hand, I'm a girl and I know what I was like. I would not have wanted to be my mother during those teenage years. So another boy might be best...

9. Whether I prefer the toilet paper to roll from the top or the bottom
I know so many of you who have VERY strong opinions on this one. But really, people? It's toilet paper. Who the fuck cares?

10. Um...

Next up, I'm supposed to pass on the award to other bloggers. Generally, I don't pass these things on. I don't know why, it just feels weird. But what I will do is provide you with a list of people I've been reading a lot of lately. However, you'll just have to wait. It took me so long to come up with my 10-ish things, I'm exhausted and going to bed.

4 comments:

T said...

I could have written half of this myself. I have a difficult time committing to favorite things too. I always want the prerogative to change my mind.

Hope the pregnancy is going smoothly. Get some rest!

Nicki said...

The dinner one...so true! I almost never know. I'm simply hungry. Freakin' feed me already! Stop expecting decisions when I am hungry. No good can come from that.

Whew. Just needed to vent. Meal time is a big issue around our house.

Looking forward to seeing some new blog finds on that list!

BigLittleWolf said...

This was some great stuff. And as for interpreting the "pass it on" requirement, I'm all for that. It gets mighty wearing passing things along (sort of like dealing with tiny non-conversationalists), so as long as you do something you feel good about with it - I think that's pretty cool.

So much of what your wrote resonates with this former corporate broad. At a certain point, it all seems old, but it pays the bills.

Hope all is well.

BLW

Anonymous said...

I loathe the concept of favorite things. What is most desirable at the very present.. Rock or reggae, pumps or boat shoes, an old fashioned or a duck fat infused rye whiskey manhattan with compressed ginger foam and marbled fig flambé??? Although Herb Alpert is my favorite musician of all time... I can say that for sure...I think.

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