Friday, November 20, 2009

Wish me luck

There are times when The Man and I don't communicate well. Or at all, period. Almost always, it's some trivial thing that gets blown up, and we end up not even talking about the trivial thing anymore, but arguing about the way we're talking about the trivial thing.

Tonight was one of those nights. Things were going really well, we were enjoying each other's company, and then... BLAMMO!

We were having a conversation that was tugging ever so gently at some old insecurities. The more we talked about it, the harder the tugs. I recognized that's what was happening and thought, "I'd better vocalize this, or I'm going to start reacting to what's in my head instead of what is actually going on."

That's what you're supposed to do, right? Open. Honest. Lay irrational reactions out of the table so they can be examined and dealt with.

Except that it rarely works out well.

I don't say it well. Or he doesn't hear it well. Probably a combination of the two. And then the whole things devolves into him demanding that I quote precisely what it was he said at some point earlier in the conversation (which I'm never able to do accurately), and I burst into tears of frustration.

That's not exactly what happened tonight, but you get the gist.

I should be talking to him about this right now, but I don't think we're at a point where we can have a conversation and really hear each other. Still...

I'm going to go try.

6 comments:

Nicki said...

I'm wishing you luck.

It can be difficult navigating the waters in a relationship. Communication is key, but rarely does anyone understand how much effort and understanding it takes for that to happen. I have faith that you two will work through this.

Thinking of you!

BigLittleWolf said...

It's really never easy. And men and women do have very different communication styles, and ways of perceiving things. I guess all you can do is try again. And with a little distance from the communication breakdown, it is sometimes easier to explain why you were upset, from a place of not being upset.

But I get it. It sucks. And is so common...

(Love the new dress/look in the banner, or did I just not notice before?)

Martini Mom said...

Update: All is well. I *did* go back upstairs and try, and 20 minutes later everything was fine. We are getting better at this, definitely.

Thanks for the kind words and encouragement.

adrienzgirl said...

Good for you! It is really better to talk about it, rather than letting it fester!!

Love!

Single Mom Seeking said...

Yes! So glad to hear that you went back. Boy, does this sound familiar! SO familiar.

The trick for us is all about being open, honest, direct, etc. -- and POSITIVE.

It's amazing how different things come across with optimism and some affection. Good for you.

richard said...

Well, you need to open up more to each other...after all, communication is an important aspect of any relationship.
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