Friday, July 24, 2009

I've got a perfect body

I've never been a busty girl. Quite the opposite, actually.

There was a time I found this fact shameful; tried to hide it behind push up bras and strategically placed ruching; avoided events that required a bathing suit; fretted about the boyfriends I wouldn't nab and the sex I wouldn't have.

I wasn't hoping for anything jaw dropping. I just wanted something a little bigger, a little fuller, just enough to give a subtly sexy swell of cleavage. I eyed my mother's sizable rack and waited for her genes to kick in. They never did. I like to say I inherited my dad's tits.

But those were the early years, and what's high school for if not to be hypercritical of thyself?

Early in my college career I had an epiphany: I didn't look at my boobs with distaste because I didn't like them; I looked at them with distaste because I was afraid that boys wouldn't like them. And then I reminded myself that boys are dumb. Boobs were not going to determine my lot in life. Duh.

It probably also helped that I was a modern dance major, immersed in studies of the body as a utilitarian vessel, busily solidifying my belief that the body is meant to be a practical thing. Beauty is nothing more than a byproduct.

(That's me on top. What I wouldn't give to spend my days dancing again.)

And then, in case I needed one final lesson to drive the point home, I had a baby. My boobs swelled from a small B to a solid DD when my milk came in. They settled on a full C for the year that I nursed The Kid. And then they shrank to an A when my milk stormed off in a huff one night.

I cried that morning, but only from the shock of waking to find that I'd lost 2 cup sizes while I slept. Because by then I'd been as many cup sizes as any person should be in a life time, and none was better than the other. Every size was perfect because every size rocked that nursing thing, and that was all they were ever really meant to do.

This post was inspired by Regina Spektor, because sometimes I forget too.

"I've got a perfect body
But sometimes I forget

I've got a perfect body

'Cause my eyelashes catch my sweat"

I've got a perfect body, because it consistently does exactly what it was designed to do.


Bobbi Janay said...

Think of it like this you won't have back problems later in life from your boobs.

MindyMom said...

Well said. I think all of us women have at least one body part we'd like to be different but being comfortable with ourselves as we are takes time.

I think as we get older we look back on that girl we were (and her body) and think, "what were you thinking?! You looked great!" But for some reason we are more comfortable with the older(and less perfect) version of our bodies. Go figure. (pun intended)

Juggle Jane said...

What a great post! And very timely. I was just poking and prodding at my "muffin top", wishing it would just.go.away. Thanks for the reminder to treat my body with a little more gratitude.

violetone80 said...

It was the exact same way for me, I too was a dancer at one point and enjoyed my busty nursing periods. I'm back to my basically flat chest and could care less. I use to be insecure about them and worry that the new guy I was dating would not like what he saw when I took my shirt off, but I quickly learned that I wouldn't want a guy who was that shallow anyways. It is an amazing feeling when you are happy with the way you are. In reality there is only so much you can change, why spend your time worrying about what you can't change? Great post!

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