This single mommy gig? This shit ain't easy.
But you find a way to do it. No matter how sad, how uncertain, how scared, how lonely, how exhausted and sick of all this bullshit you are, you put it all aside and you find a way to do it. You become the strongest person you know. Because that's what mommies do.
Eventually, you even begin to love it.
And then it ceases to be the end of something. It ceases to be the end of your relationship; the end of your security; the end of your life as you know it.
It becomes the beginning of something so much better.
A new leaf, turning over.
I remember the day it happened for me, maybe a year or two after The Ex and I split. It was spring. The sun was shining, the radio was on, birds were flitting past the window. The Kid was playing quietly on the floor, and I was sitting in the living room watching the cherry blossoms somersault in the breeze. Everything was blooming. Everything was new. I was new.
And that was only the beginning.
About two months ago, I wrote this post. I'd been feeling restless, like I was on the precipice of something big though I had no idea what, ready for something that I was only later able to articulate. I was ready to believe.
There was no reason for me to believe that The Man would be back in Seattle anytime soon; no reason to believe that a reunion was any more likely this year than it was last year; no reason to believe that next year would be any different.
But I took a leap of faith that night and believed it anyway. I allowed myself to hope.
And the very next day, The Man announced a plan that would have him in Seattle before summer's end. Today he let his boss know he'll be leaving.
Another new leaf, turning over.
There are 100(ish) women - single moms - wearing these necklaces from Ms. Single Mama. All 100(ish) of them should know that if I see any of them, I will high-five or hug without warning, so happy am I to be part of this club. So happy to not be doing this alone.
Hundreds of new leaves, delicately turning over on our single mommy necks.