Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Dear UPS,

There is a delicate ecosystem that surrounds my home. Disrupt this balance, fuck with it in any way whatsoever, and my basement floods.

Thank you, UPS people, for inexplicably rearranged my downspout and water routing system. Why did you think the water catch thingy needed to be placed on top of the treadmill box? Did you think the 250+ lb. box was in danger of blowing away? Did you think a snowshoe-sized piece of green plastic would hold her steady?

Turns out, it is useless as a paper weight, this water guide of mine. But do you know what it's great at? What it excels at? Do you?

Redirecting water, that's what!

Seriously, check this thing out. See? See how it catches the water from the downspout here? And then encourages it to flow over there, and not over here? Away from the house and towards the yard? Do you see that? Is your mind blown by the brilliance, by the sheer genius of my water catcher thingy?

Yeah, I thought so.

Bring your mops and your towels, boys. You've got a mess to clean up. And next time? How's about you don't touch my shit?

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