Sunday, July 06, 2008

It happened again

I was on the mend. I swear, I was. But then I got sick again... and then The Kid got it... and one of my mom's cats is dying a slow death... and there's The Kid's birthday party to plan... and The Kid's dad to keep from killing (and, really, you have NO idea how much effort that takes)... and my evil grandmother in town... and the weeds that mark where once there was a yard...

And so I fell off the wagon and reentered a momentary warm and cozy depression. I am feeling ever hopeless, and I fear that the reality of the situation is that this single mother gig is killing me. I simply can not work, raise a child, keep track of his father, maintain a home, and reclaim a back yard all by myself. In my naivety, I had believed that the parenting thing would get easier as The Kid got older; that the diaper changing and sleepless nights and retrieving foreign objects from his mouth was the hard part. But the ugly truth is this: the older he gets, the more there is to deal with. More attitude, more homework, more summer camp, more inadequate father, more friends' birthday parties, more sleep-overs, more everything.

But, as it turns out, I love the little monster. As much as he drives me crazy, he is the only thing that keeps me sane. And so - because something must change before even The Kid isn't enough to save my marbles - I have seriously begun to consider selling my house and buying a much smaller, much less yardy condo. The only thing that keeps me from it, is the knowledge that I'd have to do a hell of a lot MORE yard work in order to put the thing on the market.

And so here I sit, feeling exhausted, inadequate, and alone, and with no idea how to fix it.


SoloMother said...

I'm right there with you, some days. And then some slight thing -- like watching my five year old run around on the roof wearing safety goggles with which to watch the fireworks -- will convince me that all this @(&#@% is worth it.

When it all gets to be too much, i fall back on the trick of "Seven Things". I'll make myself a list of seven things I have to cross off that day. Sometimes, get up, brush teeth, get dressed are on the list. Some days, I'm more ambitious.

It gives you a sense of being able to get things done.

Who cares about the yard, really? Go get yourself a flamethrower and take care of it, quick.


Noodle said...

I found your blog through West Seattle blog. I'm a single mother of a 5 year old & I bought a townhouse here last summer. The yard work part of townhouse living rocks: I spend about an hour or two a month on the yard: yay! But the neighbors are really, really close, and I'm still not used to that. If my bedroom windows are open at night, I'll wake up if the guy in the four-plex across from me sneezes. Seriously.

Hang in there!

Maria said...

As your gardener friend, I am here to solve the garden problem for you. So, here's my plan. I will come over, discuss the situation with you (what you don't like, what you do like, what you would like . . .), and I will sketch out a plan. I think we could turn it around for under $200 (probably less) and some volunteer labor in one day. Kelly and Doug have already volunteered their time post wedding, and I can think of at least 5 more of your friends off the top of my head that I'm sure will help. I'm thinking we plan this for a weekend in August. Don't worry. As far as I'm concerned, this is a no-brainer. So, you can cross this issue off your list.

Second, I am volunteering my babysitting services so that you can have some mommy downtime (essential to good mommy mental health).

Hang in there, my friend. This too shall pass.

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