Sunday, February 10, 2008

Embargo lifted

It's finally over. My little procedure in January left me barred from having sex for four weeks. On this point, the nurse was very clear. Four. Whole. Weeks. No exceptions.

The four weeks was over on Thursday. I know because I've had it marked on my calendar, the day decorated with exclamation points and smiley faces and Hello Kitty stickers. And I've been counting down the weeks, the days, the minutes, like a sex-crazed Rainman: "7 days, 14 hours, 32 minutes, 12 seconds until I can have sex again. Yeah. 7 days, 14 hours, 32 minutes, 12 seconds. 11 seconds. 10 seconds. Yeah. Precisely 7 days, 14 hours, 32 minutes, 8 seconds until I can have sex again. And watch Wapner. Gotta watch Wapner."

In celebration, I'm going to rush right out and gaze at all those hot men I haven't been sleeping with, and then I'm going to keep not sleeping with them. But the sex I won't be having with them this month is going to be SO MUCH BETTER than the sex I didn't have with them last month.

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