Saturday, October 13, 2007

Things I think while watching the symphony

"Isn't it a little presumptuous to take a bow before you've played a single note?"

"Do conductors think about their stage presence at all? Do they just conduct, or are they aware of the way their back looks to the audience?"

"Why in god's name is the woman next to me wearing so much perfume? Maybe if I exhale a little of my garlic breath in her direction, she'll lean the other way."

"How many people in the audience are asleep right now?"

"If you converted ticket sales to album sales, where would Mozart come in on the 'best selling artists of all time' list?"

"Ooh! I like the way their sticks move when they play fast. It's like they're dancing. Little dancing sticks."

"Sticks? Did I just call them sticks? Christ."

Things my mother thinks - and says out loud - while watching the symphony:

"Has he always been deaf in one eye?"

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