Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Etiquette

I started a new job on Monday. And not just a new job, but a whole new industry! I turned in my crotchety, condescending attorneys and replaced them with young, hip designers. Are you excited? Are you throwing your hands in the air, and waving them like you just don't care? ME TOO!! It's almost enough to make you crap your pants, isn't it?

Speaking of which...

So, one of the things I like about this place is that it's small. There's just a healthy handful of us, and we all share the same space. No one has an office, not even the owner. We all sit in the same big room, busily clicking away at our respective computers and listening to the same iPod. Everyone takes turns answering the phones. Everyone takes turns playing dj. (Or mp3-j. Or whatever the hell you call it these days.) Everyone takes turns cleaning the kitchen. It's all very egalitarian. We're practically communists.

However, there are some downfalls. For example, right off of the big room in which we all sit is a lovely little kitchen/supply room. And right off of that is a single bathroom. Right there. Right next to everybody. Within sight of nearly every work station. At the conclusion of my first interview, when the owner asked me if I had any questions for him, I could hardly stifle the urge to ask how anyone manages to take a dump without the entire office knowing about it.

And I continued to wonder about the pooping practices of my future coworkers while I wrapped things up at my now former (but many-bathroomed) employer. Surely, I thought to myself, those people must have some sort of a system in place. There's got to be proper poo etiquette in situations like this. Right?

Right. Here's what I've been able to figure out so far:
  1. Pretend you don't notice that someone was in the bathroom for 5+ minutes. Assume that they were making a fresh pot of coffee or had a sudden urge to thoroughly clean the refrigerator.
  2. When someone exits the bathroom, at least 5 minutes must pass before another employee is permitted to enter.
  3. The fan is to be utilized during all defecation activities. And it is to be left on upon exiting the bathroom, thereby announcing to the entire office what you were just doing in there.
I'm determined to never again crap between the hours of 9:30 and 6:00. Except on weekends and holidays. Wish me luck.

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