Tuesday, April 17, 2007

My triumphant return

My first day back at the office went something like this:

Wake up grumbling. Hit snooze until 8:00. Shower. Decide against shaving legs... again. Wake up equally grumbly son. Dress us both. Comb our respective manes. Collapse on living room chair overcome with nausea. Continue prodding son to put on his coat. Run to bathroom expecting to hurl. Thank son for informing me that it's more "polite" to hurl in a mixing bowl. Request again that he put on his coat. Fail at hurling attempt, despite hurl-worthy state of dirty toilet. Examine colorless face in mirror and decide to go to work anyway. Practice child birth type breathing to keep nausea at bay during drive to preschool. Drop off son. Sit in car weighing options. Forge on to work. Reinstate child birth type breathing and roll down all windows. Suffer heat flash anyway. Strip off coat. Marvel at how looooooooong the bridge looks when nauseated. Finally pull into parking garage. Sit in car with head on steering wheel. Cry a little. Sit a little longer. Climb three flights of stairs to office. Collapse in chair with head on desk. Decide food might help. Make way to kitchen. Run into boss and attempt to keep from tossing cookies on her shoes. Retreat to office. Whine. Check emails. Whine some more. Warn harried assistants I may not make it through day. Check more emails. Whine more. Send email notifying boss and assistants of nausea and head home.

Total time at office: 1 hour
Total time napping after return home: 6+ hours
Total time, post-nap, spent online searching for new job: 2 hours

Flu bug, or severe physical reaction to returning to work? You be the judge.

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