Tuesday, January 09, 2007

As ready as I'll ever be

After toasting the new year, I fell into a deep wine and champagne induced sleep, and dreamt that William Shatner was feeling me up. (And since I've been told that it does in fact make a difference, it was Boston Legal Shatner as opposed to Star Trek Shatner. Equally bizarre regardless of the era if you ask me.) Anyway, my dream self wasn't particularly happy with the circumstances. This wasn't one of those dreams where everything seems great and you're totally into it while you're asleep, only to remember the dream with a start a few hours after waking and nearly spewing your oatmeal in disgust as a result. This was a dream in which I was very aware during the dream itself that I did not want to be making out with Shatner. And yet there I was doing it anyway, hoping that if I just kept my eyes squeezed shut I could pretend he was someone else until it was all over.

A few nights ago brought more of the same. This time I was kissing some faceless man - and he was a FANTASTIC kisser - but when I pulled away to say something to him, I realized I'd been making out with Carrot Top. [Ack. Bleh. Spit, spit.] Needless to say, I was horrified at the idea of having had my lips in the same zip code as his and spent the rest of the dream desperately trying to get him out of my house.

Upon hearing the story, a friend sent me this, marking the first time I've felt simultaneous urges to giggle and vomit:

Seriously, is that not the most disgusting thing you've ever seen? AND I MADE OUT WITH HIM! Clearly my subconscious is trying to tell me something, and I think it is this: "Enough already with the squeezing shut of the eyes - just date someone you ACTUALLY LIKE for chrissake!"

'Tis probably safe to say that I've spent the last few years strategically avoiding men with any real potential, and instead favored those I knew to be disposable. Perhaps that whole divorce thing left me a little more skeptical of relationships than I've been willing to admit. But now I find myself tiring of the casual dating scene, and need a little something more. I also find myself having a VERY hard time admitting that. (Really, you have no idea how long I've been staring at this post, trying to work up the nerve to hit the publish button.) It's right up there with admitting that I might need people to lean on from time to time. Which I don't, by the way.

So, now that I've announced that I'm ready - for real, this time - eligible bachelors will start showing up at my door? Is that how it works?

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