Friday, December 01, 2006

Why I love JacqueG

So, it started Wednesday night with an icy slide into a traffic circle, which left an ugly gash in my rim and a disconcerting wobble in my steering wheel.

Then I woke up Thursday morning to an unusually cold house. My furnace had crapped out in the middle of the night.

Then I wandered down to the basement and ended up with wet feet. It seems when the snow in my driveway melted, it drained directly into my family room.

Then, already running late because The Kid's school didn't open until 9:00 due to the inclement weather, I got stuck waiting for a train that blocked the road for 20 minutes.

Then, finally getting past the train, the driveway to the parking garage at work was blocked by a construction vehicle. I had to drive over the curb and onto the sidewalk (with my already damaged car) just to park.

Then I had to run straight to a meeting without a chance to grab coffee first.

Then I had to leave a very busy day at work early to attend an off-site meeting. Since I knew I would likely be working from home today so I could deal with my car and my furnace, I left the office with a large file full of miscellaneous projects and reading. I put the file on the roof of my car while I searched for my keys... and then drove off with it still on the roof. The contents of it are now scattered along the waterfront.

Then, already late for my meeting, I inadvertently parked in the wrong garage - one that happens to close at 7:00. My meeting wasn't over until 7:05. I managed to get into the building, but the elevators would only go to the bottom level of the parking garage, so I had to walk back up four levels to where my car was actually parked.

Then I had to wait at the exit for 15 minutes for a security guard to come down and open the gate for me, for which he charged me a $30 late exit fee on top of the $13 parking fee.

Then I headed back to the west side to drop my car off at the shop. I drove up and down California Ave. for 20 minutes before I found it, because my dear friend told me it was north of Easy Street and it's actually south. All the while I was trying to call my mom who was meeting me at the shop to give me a ride home, but this is her first cell phone and she couldn't figure out how to make it go.

Then, while driving me and The Kid home, Mom redeemed herself by offering to loan me her car for the day since she takes the bus to work anyway. So we dropped her off at her house, and I drove home. Once home, it took me 5 minutes to figure out how to turn off her lights and open her trunk - and at this point, I had to piss like a race horse.

Then I hauled The Kid out of the back seat and all my junk out of the trunk and walked them up to the front porch, where I discovered that I still had my mom's car keys... but had NO idea what I'd done with my house keys. And at this point, the pee situation was at a crisis level.

Then I cried, but just for a minute.

Then I headed back to the car to search for the house keys, slipped on some leftover snow, and landed spread-eagle in my front yard.

Then I laughed, but not at all in a sane sort of way.

Then The Kid found the house keys in one of the bags on the porch. I raced for the bathroom and sat down on the coldest toilet seat I've ever encountered. A quick check of the thermostat showed that is was exactly 50 degrees inside my house.

Then I found little piles of debris and teeth marks all along my hallway, thanks to Mr. Mouse, along with a fresh pile of turds in my bedroom.

Then I spent a sleepless night worrying that the space heater in my bedroom would burn the house down, and being kicked in the ribs by The Kid who was snuggled into my bed in an effort to keep us both warm.

Then I got up this morning and spent the first part of the day working from home - wearing long underwear, sweats, two pairs of socks, three shirts, a scarf, and gloves - while I waited for the furnace guy (who completely missed his four-hour window, but - once he finally arrived - managed to fix the furnace in under 30 minutes). And I'm spending the second part of the day working from home - still wearing long underwear, sweats, two pairs of socks, three shirts and a scarf, but no more gloves - while I wait for my house to warm up and for the car guy to call. And I'm looking forward to next week, when I'll work from home while the exterminator sets traps that will kill the hell out of my mice - preferably in the most bloody, gruesome way possible.

So what's all this have to do with my love for JacqueG? This: In her infinite wisdom, she and Mr. JacqueG are throwing a party tomorrow night, and gawd knows I could use a drink.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Actually, I said it was south of Easy Street. I mean, holy shit all that stuff is terrible and no such worthwhile woman should have to put up with any of it, of course. But I do believe I said south. But sorry in either case.

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