Thursday, December 21, 2006

The problem with liberals...

You've probably noticed that I relatively recently changed my header to "Martini Mom." What you may not know (I certainly didn't) is that in doing so, I've inadvertently aligned myself with a cause: The Martini Mom Movement. Who'd've thunk?

Before I dive into the whole controversy, let me explain why I chose "Martini Mom" in the first place. It's pretty simple, really. I'm a mom. I like martinis. And alliteration is a good thing.

I suppose there was also a small amount of thought given to the type of mom I am - or at least the type I think I am. I'm no June Cleaver, that's for certain. I love my kid and he is my top priority, as he should be. But I also still love most of the things I loved before I became a mom: shoes, yoga, cool ranch doritos, girls' nights out and, yes, martinis. As long as The Kid is well taken care of (which he is) I see no reason to give up "me" in order to become "mom." The two are not mutually exclusive.

...but mostly it was for the alliteration.

Anyway, it would seem there is a group of moms - self-monikered Martini moms - who are causing quite a stir. From what I've been able to gather, they're a group (or groups) of stay-at-home moms who get together for play dates once a week. Once a month, those play dates include martinis for the moms.

And then?

No and then. That's it.

Pardon me for not seeing the problem with this.

I did a little more research, and discovered that these (in no particular order) are the complaints being lodged against these women:

  1. Any mother who needs a drink in order to deal with her children is clearly a bad mother and/or has her priorities screwed up.
  2. Children should never, under any circumstances, EVER see their parents consume alcohol.
  3. Women are putting their children in danger by getting drunk at a play date and then driving home with their children.
  4. Who's watching the children while the mothers are drunk?
  5. This is the problem with liberals.

As a Martini Mom - even an accidental one - I feel I must respond to each complaint. Response to complaint #1:

First of all, there's a difference between "needs a drink in order to deal with her children" and "enjoys a drink with her friends." Let's not assume that these women are busting out the martinis because a little bit of vodka (or gin, if you must) is the only sedative stopping them locking their children in the basement and feeding them table scraps through a small slit in the door. And secondly, I'm not a stay-at-home mom, and for very good reason. Have you ever spent 24 hours a day, seven days a week with a whining, tugging, stubborn, jumping, bouncing, yelling, running, crying, completely irrational, fickle little being? Even a ridiculously cute one that you love with all your heart? It ain't easy. These women don't need a drink, they deserve one.

Response to complaint #2:

Puh-lease.

Response to complaint #3:

Granted, this is a valid point. Mothers should not go to play dates, get drunk, and drive their children home. But let's not forget that adults are often quite capable of monitoring their alcohol intake over the course of a 3 hour play date, and don't get drunk in the first place. Or they walk home, since the majority of play dates occur within the confines of one's own neighborhood. The mere presence of alcohol does not dictate that people will be driving drunk.

Response to complaint #4:

Again, why are we assuming the mothers are drunk? Are you people operating under the assumption that a drop of alcohol is a mother's kryptonite? Most people are capable of having a drink or two before puking in the sink and passing out with their pants around their ankles and a sharpie-drawn penis on their foreheads. The MOTHERS are watching the children, you fools.

Response to complaint #5:

Wow. You've stumped me there. I honestly had no idea that martinis are the problem with liberals. Now if only the problem with conservatives was mojitos, you could color me one happy American.

1 comment:

Angry Dissenter said...

The problem with liberals is that we are busily working to destory family values, you silly person!

And of course mothers would get drunk after just having a couple of martinis, because we all know that only men can hold their alcohol. It is, of course, perfectly acceptable for Dad to settle down in front of the TV with a beer.

Yay for outdated and sexist double standards! (One of many problems with conservatives . . .)

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