Thursday, June 29, 2006

Charmin saves my ass, in more ways than one

I've been working late nights for months. Late nights are fine. I love the late nights. But it's no secret: I don't do mornings. Neither does The Kid. Despite this fact, we managed to get ourselves up, dressed, fed, and to preschool by 6:30 this morning. After a mandatory stop at a local espresso stand to buy myself a bucket of coffee, I continued on to work and played hostess at an early morning seminar. The seminar was fine, and so was I... up until about 4:00 this afternoon. By the time I left the office at 7, I was FRIED. No late night tonight.

The gas light came on as I was driving home. Filling up on the way to work tomorrow is not an option (see the "I don't do mornings" declaration above), so I grudgingly passed my house and continued to the local gas station. I was not so fried as to be fooled by the debit button again. But I was fooled by the nozzle, which I foolishly expected to hold its gas until I pulled its trigger. Unfortunately, we had a bit of a premature fueling situation, and my skirt, left leg and (oddly enough) right shoe paid the price.

Too tired to get upset, I continued with my fueling (this time actually IN the gas tank). When the ticker hit $40 and the pump was still running, it finally occurred to me to look at the price per gallon. Suddenly, I found I was no longer too tired to get upset. HOLY SHIT! I sunk to my knees in grief as my entire savings ran into my tank. As I lifted my eyes skyward to beg mercy from our maker, my gaze passed over the (new) gas station across the street... that just happened to be selling its gas for 30 cents per gallon less. Which would explain why I was ALL ALONE at my gas station.

Wise enough to know when I've been defeated, I slumped into the car and headed home to huff my toxic skirt. Half way there, I heard a rapid kwump kwump kwump kwump across the roof of my car, and looked into my rear view mirror just in time to see my gas cap hit the street and get decimated by the monster truck behind me.

Seriously, if it weren't for the knowledge that there was two-ply toilet paper waiting for me at home (to replace the one-ply I accidentally bought last month and have been suffering through ever since), I would've thrown myself into the street to join my gas cap in the tread of a giant tire.

A happy hiney is reason enough to keep on living.

No comments:

Related Posts Widget for Blogs by LinkWithin

Made by Lena