Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Religion as taught to the Godless, by the Godless

For any of you who were worried that I might be giving my son a religious upbringing, let the following conversation comfort you:

[from the CD player] "...he must not sin again, poor old Michael Finnigan, begin again..."

"Sinigin? What's sinigin?"

"Sin again."

"What's that?"

"A sin? Um... do you know who God is?"


"Do you know who Jesus is?"


"Okay, well some people think that this guy named God lives in heaven. Do you know what heaven is?"

"Yeah! It's in the sky with all the angels."

"Okay, right. So God lives in heaven. And he made up a bunch of rules."

"Why? Is he the boss of the angels?"

"Um, okay. Sure. Sort of. So he has these rules, and if you break them, it's called a sin."

"Oh. And if you break them then you can't work at Heaven no more?"

"Depends on who you ask. Some people think that God forgives sins. But some people think he's cranky. I guess the cranky God might kick people out of Heaven."

"And then where do they go?"

"To hell, I guess."

"Like your shoes?"


"Like when you say 'Where the hell are my shoes'?"

"Uh... not exactly. Hell is where the Devil lives. Do you know who the Devil is?"


"He's a bad guy."

"Like Darth Vader?"

"Yes. The Devil is like Darth Vader."

"Darth Vader is really Anakin Skywalker. And then he says 'I'm your father Luke' and everyone says 'No way dude!' Is the Devil Luke's father too?"

"No, not that I'm aware of."

"Darth Vader doesn't tell lies."


"Uh uh. That other bad guy tells lies. What's his name again? The guy that laughs like this: 'heh heh heh'."

"George Bush?"

"YEAH! He's a bad guy because he lies AND he doesn't let people stand in line to buy food. But he's not Luke's father either."

Wow. I have NO idea what the standing in line to buy food thing is all about. But I am now pretty certain that - at least as far as The Kid's concerned - fathering Luke Skywalker counts as a cardinal sin and is presumably punishable by an afterlife of eternal Hell fire fueled by mounds of my shoes.


Other Office Guy said...

Can't argue the whole GWB thing........

Angry Dissenter said...

The kid's already equating Bush wth Satan?

Sounds like he's ahead of the curve. You should be proud. :)

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