Monday, May 01, 2006

Duh

I can occasionally be a bit dense. Sunday was one of those days. I spent my (few) waking hours feeling bummed out and lonely. Initially attributing the loneliness to nothing more than my (still) pathetic dating life, I tried my best to ignore it. Seemingly unrelated was the fact that whenever The Kid would demonstrate one of his newly acquired t-ball skills (his rookie season started on Friday), I found myself feeling simultaneously proud, giddy... and melancholy. I decided that I was experiencing an overactive mom reaction to her son reaching a rite of passage: first organized sport. It's a little out of character for me to be that emotional over something like that, but I couldn't figure out anything else to explain it.

I put The Kid to bed Sunday night and headed downstairs to finish up prepping for this morning's meetings, when it occurred to me that - oops, I never dug out the short story about my dad that I was considering posting tomorrow. Why tomorrow? Because he died five years ago on May 2nd. Hello! I'd been walking around all weekend feeling lonely and getting weepy whenever anyone mentioned baseball, and it never occurred to me that it might be because I'm missing my dad. Like I said, I can occasionally be a bit dense.

Once the source of my melancholy was discovered I took a minute to consciously miss my dad, and then everything was fine. It's not that I'm still overcome with grief or anything, it's just sad to me that it's been 5 years since I've seen him or had a conversation with him. Still, it doesn't usually hit me this hard. In fact, I think it was last year that I completely forgot all about it (at least until I got home to messages from everyone in my family calling to see how I was doing). But Dad wanted to coach The Kid's first t-ball team, and I suspect that's where the extra emotionalism is coming from.

Yup. Nothin' gets by me...

Tune in tomorrow when I may or may not post the story... assuming I can even find a copy of it.

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