Thursday, April 13, 2006

I is a slow learner

There is a gas station right up the road from my house and, as you might expect due to its proximity, I go there quite often. In fact, I don't remember the last time I purchased my gas anywhere else. You would think, then, that I would have their payment system down pat. But here's the thing: the gas pump fucks with me. Its little teleprompter screen tells me that if I want to pay by credit, I should swipe my card; if I want to pay by debit I should push the "debit" button, and only after doing so should I swipe my card. I'm a debit girl, and every time I attempt to do what I'm told. I take a quick glance over at the key pad, expecting to see a friendly green "debit" button... and am always sorely disappointed. That's about the time that the dimmer than average light bulb over my head reminds me: "There's something tricky with this one. The debit button isn't where it should be." So I stand there hunting for the debit button while growing more and more distraught, much like Homer Simpson searching for the "any" key.* Finally I give up and hope that maybe - just maybe - it'll work if I swipe the card without first pushing the "debit" key. Of course it always does, and only then do I remember that there IS NO DEBIT KEY - never has been a debit key; never will be a debit key.

My personal theory is that the gas station is just a front for some sort of psychological experiment. Initially, I'm sure they were simply studying the various reactions of consumers trying to follow inaccurate instructions. At this point, I can't help but suspect that I've inspired them to conduct a little side experiment while they're at it: learning abilities of the severely stupid. I'm willing to bet my file is 6 inches thick with "dum-dum" stamped in big red letters across the front.

*You're probably expecting that I will explain the Homer-Simpson-"any"-key reference here. You are wrong. Instead, I will explain that if you do not understand simple Simpsons references, you probably won't understand most of my humor and should just stop reading this particular blog.

1 comment:

Other Office Guy said...


Where's the Any key?


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