Tuesday, March 28, 2006

I'll kill him. I'll kill him not.

The Ex has been stupidly pulling petals off the prophetic daisy this morning. Currently, we're at "I'll kill him not," but that could change at any second. It seems it's that time of year again: child support calculation time. Yay.

Now, I know that this particular argument is nothing new or unusual among the divorced parent sect. But COME ON!! I barely charge the guy anything as it is. Why? Because he spends an awful lot of time with The Kid and so naturally incurs some of the costs related to raising a child. What he doesn't naturally incur are the daycare and college fund costs, which account for the majority of his child support payment. The remaining money covers a small portion of The Kid's room and board. And replacement clothes, to make up for the ones Daddy loses on a daily basis.

In addition to charging him only a portion of what the state says I should, I also hand over a portion of my tax return to make up for the fact that I get to claim the coveted "head of household" exemption status, along with the child tax credit. Am I required to do this? Is this arrangement stated anywhere in our divorce decree? No, it is not. I do it because it seems like the right thing to do. Also seeming like the right thing to do: Recalculating the child support agreement in June last year (9 months ahead of schedule) to account for the fact that I'd gotten a promotion and a hefty raise. Did I have to do that? No. No I didn't. And don't get me started on the financial support I gave HIM when we separated. Required? No. IT SEEMED LIKE THE RIGHT FUCKING THING TO DO.

The point I'm trying to make here is that I am a nice, fair person. Every year at child support calculation time, I gather up the papers documenting our respective salaries (documentation is crucial, given that certain of us in this particular equation have the tendency to lie) and set about refiguring how much the kid costs us each month, subtracting those costs that we each pay separately, and then dividing the remaining amount by percentage of income. The Ex knows this process. The Ex approved this process. He is so confident in it, in fact, that every year he tells me to "just go ahead and do it, and tell me what I owe. I know you'll be fair."

I'll kill him not.

Every year except this year. This year, in response to my annual "Have you gotten your raise yet?" email, I was treated to a response that suggests I've been stealing from him for the past 3 years. He concluded with "and let's leave the courts out of it - you might end up getting more money, but I'll push to get more custody."

I'll kill him.

First of all, the courts? Where did that come from? I would never bring the courts into it unless I absolutely had to, and he knows that. Second, yes - I would get more money; no - given the evidence I have at my disposal, he would not get more custody. Third, I work for 60 attorneys, many of whom offered to do the work on my divorce pro bono. What kind of jackass would take me to court?

The next email from him was an apology, and a request to talk the whole thing out in person and reevaluate the payment schedule.

Fine. I'll kill him not.

The final email included a little clue as to the sudden change in attitude towards the support: "... Future Wife and I have recently been going through our finances and realized how much money I spend on The Kid... Future Wife will be taking over the finances..." Aaaaah.... so Future Wife (self-proclaimed child hater) doesn't like the fact that Ex-Wife expects you to support your child. I see. A word to the wise: Ex-Wife is not the vindictive sort, but Future Wife might want to keep her mouth shut lest Ex-Wife decides to exercise her right to include Future Wife's salary in the the child support equation.

That's right. I said it. And I'll say it again (out loud this time, and in the presence of The Ex) if one more petal gets pulled off this damn flower.

1 comment:

jacque said...

Holy crap - sounds like we need to have a bitch session soon. Yipes.

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