Friday, December 30, 2005

Motherhood is not an excuse for sweater vests

Becoming a mother did strange things to my sister. Most notably, it made her send Christmas cards with photos and handwritten notes that say things like "Would like to see you," and "We have plenty of room for guests," and "Love."

Sister has always been a pretty prickly person, so the change has been welcome if a little disconcerting. But now she's gone too far. I was greeted last night with this year's Christmas card (I said she sends them, not that she sends them on time) complete with photo of my nephews decked out in... um... sweater vests?

Imagine Marilyn Manson showed up at your door in a pair of dockers and a sweater vest. Wait. Make that Marilyn Manson in pleated dockers and a festive sweater vest, singing hymns, and crocheting a doily. That's ALMOST as weird as this. It's like motherhood opened a portal to some evil parallel universe where up is down and right is wrong and antichrist sisters are soccer moms.

Oh my god. I bet she drives a minivan.

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