Friday, December 02, 2005

I'm officially worried

I've either seriously pissed someone off, or he's dead. (Or a third option like "really busy" that I'm just too panicked to consider.) He obviously did not thoroughly read the friendship contract, which clearly states in Rule 114, Section B:

If you are mad enough to stop speaking to me for a length of time exceeding 3 days (excluding holidays and birthdays, and days of extreme illness), you must notify me in writing at least 2 days (48 hours) prior to ceasing communications. The notification must include a statement outlining specifically which forms of human correspondence will be blocked, and an estimate (to be provided by an expert analyst) of how long blockage will occur. Notification also must include a detailed explanation of what provoked the impending termination of communications (referred to hereafter as "Silent Treatment"). Defendant (that'd be me) must be allowed access to Plaintiff (that'd be you) for the aforementioned 2 days (48 hours) to attempt peace talks and/or bribes to avert Silent Treatment. If proper notification of Silent Treatment is not provided to Defendant as per guidelines above, Defendant is granted the right to worry that Plaintiff died an agonizing death in a fiery automobile accident. In accordance with this right, Defendant is free to go to any measures to prove her worries incorrect, including but not limited to, showing up at Plaintiff's home unannounced in the middle of the night, drunk from one too many whisky-sodas, which is sure to cause undue annoyance to Plaintiff's wife and neighbors. But it will be Plaintiff's own fault.

Read before you sign, my friends. Read before you sign.

(P.S. to the one who's not speaking to me: Please let me know you're okay. I promise I'll let you go back to hating me, so long as I know you're okay. Please?)

1 comment:

Angry Dissenter said...

See? I knew there was a standard procedure for this sort of thing. I've got to get me some of those contracts. :)

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