Thursday, December 01, 2005

Actual quotes. From actual people. That I actually know.

Ooh, a game! Match the speaker with his/her quote and win a prize.

SPEAKERS:
My former mother-in-law
My then husband
My mother
My son
A young girl
A man hoping to score
A (different) man about to score
My former boss

QUOTES:

"I'm going to try to stop using superlatives. Swearing just makes you sound dumb." (Expletives. The word you're looking for is "expletives.")

"Relationships are a lot of work, so that's why I go to couples therapy. But I'm looking for someone to go with me."

"We've been at the zoo for hours and I still haven't seen any dinosaurs."

"The last thing I need is some critter climbing up a tree onto my roof, coming down the chimney and attacking me."

"The Vikings were NOT black." (On hearing the theory that earliest modern man called Africa home.)

"I got crabs from a French hooker, but that's it. She lied though. She wasn't French. Or a hooker."

"Do you remember what happened to your dad?" (He died. Kinda hard to forget.)

"So put that chapstick up your butt and smoke it."

(Answer key available upon request.)

2 comments:

Angry Dissenter said...

I'm actually just wondering which of these were guys that were trying to score . . .

KB said...

French Hooker and Couples Therapy, both of whom took the idea of full disclosure to a whole new level. Seattle is known for it's difficult dating scene, and now you know why...

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