Saturday, November 26, 2005

Why single moms make great dates

I've been dateless for nearly a month now and I'm getting bored. I dread going back out there though. The "Oh... you have a kid?" moment is such a drag. I kind of wish there was a "have child" blinking light above my head that would warn men to approach at their own risk. Engaged and married women have the ring to announce their status; single moms really should come up with a similar signal. It would make it much easier to weed through the four types of men that exist in the single mom's universe:
  1. The runner. "Oh, a kid. Cool. I've gotta run."
  2. The resigner. He's accepted the dismal fact that many of us come with "accessories," but he's not necessarily happy about it.
  3. The single father (or single parent sympathizer). He either has his own kids, or knows someone with kids who's trying to date. He feels our pain.
  4. The anomaly. Doesn't have children of his own, and actually finds us more attractive because we have kid(s). Very rare.

I understand the concern (panic) that arises in a man once he uncovers the existence of a child. There are some downsides to dating a single mom, sure. But consider the pluses:

  1. We don't have a lot of free time, which translates to plenty of pizza, beer, and video games with the boys for you. With no guilt trips.
  2. We have snacks. Lots and lots of snacks. And toys. Lots and lots of toys.
  3. We work. Hard. We're tired. So tired, we're often willing to skip all that pesky talking and foreplay and go straight to sex, if only so we can go to sleep sooner.
  4. We're not, despite the rumors, on the hunt for a new baby daddy. Most of us have been married, and we're in no hurry to do that again. Some of us get hives just thinking about it. Translation: no pressure.
  5. We've been vomited, pissed, and shat on. Our sleeves have served as snot rags. We're not likely to be offended by your personal habits. Try taking a shit at our house. Rather than be disgusted by your stench, we'll praise you for wiping your own ass.
  6. As long as the kid is around, we can't bitch you out for whatever stupid thing you just did.

So c'mon, give us a shot. Kids aren't so bad, and we're probably worth it.

2 comments:

West said...

You know what KB? I've been reading your blog for quite a while now, and I have to say...and feeling somewhat goofy for it...I've kind of got a crush on you. I know, I know...it's just probably weirding you out. I can see you sitting there rolling your eyes and going, "oh great, another one"!
I really admire the way you write, and your own voice comes through when you write. It's like I'm sitting across the table from you in a nice restaurant, smiling at you, and listening to you while you talk. I can't help but look at your eyes, the way they sparkle, your hands as you puntuate your words. The way you laugh. Your quick wit, and the way you check my face to see if I'm keeping up with what you're saying. And, I love how you reach out and touch my fingers without even seeming to think about it. It may seem like nothing to you, but it makes my heart stop for a moment.
I often think about what it would be like to ask you out. How nervous we would both be. How I know I'd have to pass the Riley test. He sounds like such a great little guy, and I know we'd have fun together. I like kids!
Listen, I know I shouldn't even be writing to you, but I just wanted to let you know that I think you're great; wonderfully bright, intelligent, funny, and that I'd love to touch your face and kiss you.
About me then; I'm 6ft tall, 180, hazel eyes, brown hair, and I drive a truck all over the country. I know that's a drawback right there, because I don't get home often. I'm divorced, and it's been two years since I've even been on a date.
Ok, I'm sending this before I lose my nerve.
Just know that there is someone out here who thinks you're wonderful, and who cares about what you think and what you're going through.
Bye for now : )

Other Office Guy said...

That's funny right there. I don't care who you are......

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