Friday, October 21, 2005

Dateless in Seattle

He's cute. Smart. Thoughtful. Tall. Lanky. Wears glasses. Good cook. Purchases whole foods and is an avid recycler. Likes independent films. Impressive (for the most part) music collection. An all around, gosh darn good guy. But the "it" is missing - you know, that ever elusive, undefinable "it" that makes things all warm and sparkly - so it has to end. Bye-bye Home Depot guy. Any girls out there looking for a man? I'm about to let a good one go.

Actually, he reminds me A LOT of someone my mom would date. If only he were 25 years older. And hadn't already slept with me. Because, eew, that would just be gross.

Such a shame, really. He's the only "normal" guy I've dated AD (After Divorce). A quick recap to prove my point, in order of appearance:
  1. The Elevator Salesman. Need I say more?
  2. Navy Boy. Again, need I say more? (But, God he was hot!)
  3. Pretty Boy. About as intelligent and interesting as a pile of manure. (And occasionally just as stinky, thanks to his IBS.)
  4. Crush. Shallow, I know, but I just couldn't get past the large, hairy mole on his neck. Plus, there was something about him that reminded me of the sea turtle from Finding Nemo.
  5. Sporty Spice. He would only take me to restaurants for which he had a coupon. Oh - and he shaved his chest to let his muscles be seen in all their hairless glory. Yuck.
  6. Married Guy (though at the time he was "Guy with a Girlfriend"). Ouch. That one hurt.

I've been literally begging the dating gods to send me a normal guy who actually likes me. And who isn't otherwise betrothed, if it's not too much to ask. And, glory be, they did! I'm not sure what the punishment is for rejecting a gift from the dating gods, but I'm pretty certain my dating prayers will be going unanswered for the foreseeable future.

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